All buzz, no spark: Twilight New Moon
The popularity of the Twilight series (both books and movies) amazes me, considering that Twilight isn’t exactly an original concept. Harry Potter was an amazing story because it had depth, it had a real interesting underlying story and didn’t have to rely on adding cheesy moments like shirtless guys with ripped bodies and tattoo’s just to get people to watch the movies.
New Moon is 40% Kristen Stewart (who plays Bella) acting depressed and trying to kill herself for most of the movie because her beloved vampire boyfriend Edward ditches her, and 60% shirtless muscley males doing pretty much nothing. They waste a good 5 or so minutes of movie time by her just sitting in front of a window as a camera rotates around her and the months change.
This movie will appeal to movie goers who like seeing toned upper male torsos in every scene (literally). I wasn’t sure if I was watching a body-building documentary or a movie half the time. There were maybe 3 action scenes in the whole movie (all involving shirtless males, of course) which had pretty decent special effects.
Unlike the first movie, it seems that the Twilight formula has changed and I have cracked the New Moon formula (notice the formula is slightly more complicated than that of the first movies which only had one rule, every scene must have Robert Pattinson in it):
a.) Every scene must have Robert Pattinson in it.
b.) If Robert Pattinson is not in a scene it must have one or more shirtless muscley guys, or Robert Pattinson as an apparition appearing (looking cool)
c.) Kristen Stewart (Bella) must at all times be either; angry, upset, suicidal, depressed, annoying or all of the above in every scene.
I don’t know what was worse, the movie or the people watching it in the cinema who kept gasping every time someone took their shirt off or all of the people crying at the poorly acted emotional scenes that made me laugh. I didn’t feel a drop of sadness the entire movie, only hungriness which the large popcorn and drink helped soothe.
Conclusion
If you’re a 14 year old girl, paedophile, gay or sexually deprived housewife then this movie is definitely for you. Otherwise save your money and go get drunk, it’ll be a lot more fun.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Kristen Stewart is the perfect “Bella” .. All around the casting was perfect, everyone had so much so much angst that they fit the story perfectly
Edward looks constipated in both movies and mostly in the first Twilight movie in nearly every scene, if you watch it you will probably notice it now. Its halarious.
And they deffinetely did not fit the story perfectly, Bella was supposed to be a nerdy type girl with her hair heaps frizy and all that.
Hey there, very good post. These days its very hard to find such strong views. Anyone checked out US giveaway?
i blame Stephanie Meyers for making 14 years olds more annoying
Wrong. I’m a 14 year old girl and I found that movie annoying. Kirtsen Stewarts’ acting style make me want to rip my hair out! In New Moon AND Twilight, she acted emo. It’s not surprising that in every movie she’s been in, she’s had no emotion. She was a fail for the character, and her life is a fail. Robert Pattinson is revolting. I agree with you– he was in all the scenes. By the middle of the movie I was tired of seeing his ugly face. The characters Edward and Bella, they irked me as well. I understand it’s supposed to be romantic, but please. No gasps every 5 seconds. No hesitations. If your going to kiss, kiss. Please, get the fuck on with it. Over all, Harry Potter is obviously a much better book and movie.