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Tag Archives: Steve Jobs

Apple Lied To Everyone, But Nobody Cares

by on 28. Jun, 2009 in Opinion, Ranting

I find it highly ironic that Apple lied to everyone (stockholders, general public) about just why Steve Jobs was taking medical leave for a year. They tried claiming it was a hormone imbalance that made Steve Jobs look like he was the walking dead and suffering from scurvy.

Now it’s been revealed that he had a liver transplant, doesn’t anyone else find that highly suspicious? Why couldn’t Apple tell us he had a liver transplant? It’s a common fact that people who have hormone imbalances DO NOT get their damn livers removed.

Maybe it’s just me being a pretentious prick, but aren’t there laws against withholding information from your stockholders and the public when you’re a fucking publicly traded company? I don’t know. Maybe Apple are exempt from the law because they’re so popular with their minuscule Linux like market share on desktop PC’s. Much sarcasm intended.

I think Apple need to be investigated for what has happened. Everyone was misled and made to believe Steve Jobs just needed some rest and to pop a few pills and he’d be okay eventually. People don’t get organ transplants for no reason, it doesn’t take a doctor to tell you that.

It sure seems as though nobody cares Apple lied. If this were Microsoft, people would be chanting “burn them, burn them!” and holding flaming pitchforks.

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Steve Jobs Announces He Had Transgender Surgery

by on 24. Jun, 2009 in Satire

In a shocking email sent internally to Apple staff Steve Jobs admits that while on medical leave he underwent surgery so he could achieve his life long dream of becoming transgender.

The content of the email Steve Jobs sent to Apple staff pretty much sums everything up:

Dear my fellow Apple staffers,I have something important to announce and I hope that you will keep this emails content confidential as it is covered by the NDA you signed when you first started here.

Whilst on medical leave there have been many rumours claiming that I had a liver transplant, this is not true. What actually happened over the course of the year was I underwent surgery to achieve my life long dream of becoming transgender. I got the “snip and tuck” as they call it in the transgender world.

The reason I took a year off from Apple was due to the hormone replacement therapy I was on, it was very rigorous and tiring on my body. The hormone pills you have too take put an immense burden on your body’s capabilities to even perform basic tasks like peeing, putting on a turtle neck sweater or admiring your stock portfolio.

I would still like to be called Steve and I will be returning at the end of June. Well, I am back now, but publicly I am back at the end of June. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to email my secretary and she may or may not pass them onto me to read.

Kind regards,

Steve Jobs

Just why Steve Jobs had this surgery is a mystery, the only reason he stated was that it was a life long dream. This also raises the speculation that Steve Jobs must be in-fact gay for him to undergo such surgery, as it would really serve no other purpose for him.

Keith Blow an expert on homosexuality gave us his expert opinion on the Steve Jobs transgender situation.
“I’ve known for a while now that Steve Jobs was gay. Transgender surgery is very popular amongst the homosexual community and this would coincide perfectly with Steve Jobs’ wardrobe which obviously has more turtle neck sweaters than Perez Hilton’s.”

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Steve Jobs Announces Another Bank Breaker At Macworld

Apple Is Out Of Control

by on 18. May, 2009 in Opinion, Ranting

I’m a PC and Apple fan. I think the PC has it’s uses just as much as any Mac based computer, but when it comes to Apple and it’s electronics, I’m not so convinced Apple love it’s customers as much as they say they do.

Steve Jobs needs more money

I recently upgraded to a iPod Touch 2G and soon found out that an update (3.0) is coming sometime soonish in June or July 2009, whatever. The remarkable thing is that Apple are going to charge iPod Touch users $10 to upgrade, fucking awesome. But did I mention that iPhone users get the update for free? Oh, I just did.

As If selling my kidney to purchase the thing wasn’t enough, now they want more money just so I can get a few improvements and bluetooth functionality which by the way was already included in the thing. Yet again, awesome.

I think Apple is out of control. It’s like selling a mobile phone and making people pay for additional features like SMS, MMS, Wi-Fi that competitors already give you out of the box.

Sure Apple makes awesome looking and functional products, but what the fuck are they doing? Although it’s plausible that software was still being developed to make bluetooth functionality work well, why the price tag for iPod Touch users and not iPhone users? Oh, is it because I didn’t pay the extra few hundred for an iPhone with features that I don’t need?

I am going to pay for the upgrade, but not without a rant about it on this blog. When you think about it, you’re really paying for bluetooth functionality for $10. I’m not surprised really, Apple loves to profit off people even in a severe economic downturn. There better be some awesome applications that use bluetooth (if Apple haven’t severely blocked it’s use) or I’ll go postal, seriously.

A thought: It would be awesome to tether my 3G mobile phone to my iPod Touch 2G via bluetooth instead of Wi-Fi, would be very useful considering my phone doesn’t have Wi-Fi.

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