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Tag Archives: Apple

The Apple iPad Sucks, But It Will Still Be A Success

by on 29. Jan, 2010 in Opinion, Ranting

Apple has done it again, created another shitty & feature restricted product everyone will be foaming at the mouth for, the iPad. Every ~~man~~ nerd and his ~~dog~~ girlfriend will be lining up to get one of these things, even if they don’t need one or know what the fuck it does.

The iPad is really just an oversized version of an iPhone or iPod Touch. It can run the same apps, has a touch screen and doesn’t let you multitask on it. Sounds great doesn’t it? You want one already.

I really admire Apple; they could sell most of you a lump of coal and call it iCoal, it wouldn’t do anything, but you’d still want to buy it because Apple would ensure if you didn’t buy one, you’ll be alienating yourself from society. Quite personally I think it’s fucking ugly, I mean do Apple think they’re at a point now where they can create anything and know it’s customers will buy it?

I wonder if it will suffer from overheating issues and perhaps burn some customers, leaving a horrible scar reminding them of the crappy and highly expensive purchase that they didn’t need to make for the rest of their lives. If you’re planning on buying one of these, you’re just another Applesheep following the herd to your nearest Apple store.

The sad thing is millions of people will buy this, then Apple will release a newer version in one years time. Thus causing you to go into a fit of panic as you try and scurry up more cash to buy the new iPad-S

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Apple Lied To Everyone, But Nobody Cares

by on 28. Jun, 2009 in Opinion, Ranting

I find it highly ironic that Apple lied to everyone (stockholders, general public) about just why Steve Jobs was taking medical leave for a year. They tried claiming it was a hormone imbalance that made Steve Jobs look like he was the walking dead and suffering from scurvy.

Now it’s been revealed that he had a liver transplant, doesn’t anyone else find that highly suspicious? Why couldn’t Apple tell us he had a liver transplant? It’s a common fact that people who have hormone imbalances DO NOT get their damn livers removed.

Maybe it’s just me being a pretentious prick, but aren’t there laws against withholding information from your stockholders and the public when you’re a fucking publicly traded company? I don’t know. Maybe Apple are exempt from the law because they’re so popular with their minuscule Linux like market share on desktop PC’s. Much sarcasm intended.

I think Apple need to be investigated for what has happened. Everyone was misled and made to believe Steve Jobs just needed some rest and to pop a few pills and he’d be okay eventually. People don’t get organ transplants for no reason, it doesn’t take a doctor to tell you that.

It sure seems as though nobody cares Apple lied. If this were Microsoft, people would be chanting “burn them, burn them!” and holding flaming pitchforks.

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Steve Jobs Announces He Had Transgender Surgery

by on 24. Jun, 2009 in Satire

In a shocking email sent internally to Apple staff Steve Jobs admits that while on medical leave he underwent surgery so he could achieve his life long dream of becoming transgender.

The content of the email Steve Jobs sent to Apple staff pretty much sums everything up:

Dear my fellow Apple staffers,I have something important to announce and I hope that you will keep this emails content confidential as it is covered by the NDA you signed when you first started here.

Whilst on medical leave there have been many rumours claiming that I had a liver transplant, this is not true. What actually happened over the course of the year was I underwent surgery to achieve my life long dream of becoming transgender. I got the “snip and tuck” as they call it in the transgender world.

The reason I took a year off from Apple was due to the hormone replacement therapy I was on, it was very rigorous and tiring on my body. The hormone pills you have too take put an immense burden on your body’s capabilities to even perform basic tasks like peeing, putting on a turtle neck sweater or admiring your stock portfolio.

I would still like to be called Steve and I will be returning at the end of June. Well, I am back now, but publicly I am back at the end of June. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to email my secretary and she may or may not pass them onto me to read.

Kind regards,

Steve Jobs

Just why Steve Jobs had this surgery is a mystery, the only reason he stated was that it was a life long dream. This also raises the speculation that Steve Jobs must be in-fact gay for him to undergo such surgery, as it would really serve no other purpose for him.

Keith Blow an expert on homosexuality gave us his expert opinion on the Steve Jobs transgender situation.
“I’ve known for a while now that Steve Jobs was gay. Transgender surgery is very popular amongst the homosexual community and this would coincide perfectly with Steve Jobs’ wardrobe which obviously has more turtle neck sweaters than Perez Hilton’s.”

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The iPhone 3G S – The "S" is for sucks

by on 11. Jun, 2009 in Opinion

The much anticipated follow up to the iPhone 3G dubbed the iPhone 3G S – is probably the most anticipated product failure Apple have ever experienced. You’d honestly expect Apple would have released something that would rival an N95, at least. Get ready for the Windows Vista of the iPhone line-up.

If this isn’t evidence enough that Apple fan-boys will buy anything Apple make, then I don’t know what is. This new so called model is nothing more than a software update with some new hardware, limited hardware upgrades at that. It seems Apple lovers have been taken for a ride again with their money, but are too Steve Jobs drunk too realise.

Oh, they added a 3.2 mega-pixel camera, wow. That’s what only 4 years behind in mobile years, quite possibly even more. They added a compass that nobody will ever use unless you’re stuck in the forest. And chances are with the iPhones crap battery life, it’ll go flat before you find your way out anyway.

They added the ability to record video, but isn’t that just a software upgrade anyway? Jailbroken iPhone 3G’s could record video. And talk about being behind, Symbian phones have been able to record video for years and years now, this is hardly new. You might as well say that the S also stands for “suckers” or more appropriately “slightly upgraded”.

Sure they ramped up the storage capacity, but is it worth the price they’re asking for? You’re really only paying for a compass, camera and more storage. The average iPhone 3G S user won’t honestly notice the hardware improvements anyway.

Not many people are actually going to upgrade from their iPhone 3G’s considering they look the same. And in all honesty, it’s no lie that iPhone users only upgrade when Apple change the design of it’s products anyway. Only the idiots, new users and Apple fan-boys will upgrade to the iPhone 3G S.

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Jailbreak Your iPod Touch 2G With One Click

by on 18. May, 2009 in Hardware & Hacking

I recently upgraded to an iPod Touch 2G and wanted to jailbreak it. I found lots of sites saying you could do it through typing commands into a command line, and although I’m pretty technologically inept, I wanted a solution where as little human error was possible. Then I found Redsn0w.

Redsn0w is an executable file that doesn’t require any other plugins or custom drivers to jailbreak your iPod Touch 2G. My version by the way is 2.2.1 (the latest at the time of writing this post), although the jailbreak method will work with 3.0 coming out anyway.

All I had to do was put my iPod Touch 2G into DFU mode and then run the executable file and it did it’s thing. It took a couple of minutes and it was jailbroken complete with Cydia installed onto your iPod Touch 2G.

I was surprised at the ease of jailbreaking my iPod Touch 2G as opposed to typing into some daunting command line and fucking something up (even though jailbreaking is potentially safe anyway).

If you’re interested in jailbreaking your iPod Touch 2G, here is the link which helped me jailbreak my iPod Touch 2G.

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Steve Jobs Announces Another Bank Breaker At Macworld

Apple Is Out Of Control

by on 18. May, 2009 in Opinion, Ranting

I’m a PC and Apple fan. I think the PC has it’s uses just as much as any Mac based computer, but when it comes to Apple and it’s electronics, I’m not so convinced Apple love it’s customers as much as they say they do.

Steve Jobs needs more money

I recently upgraded to a iPod Touch 2G and soon found out that an update (3.0) is coming sometime soonish in June or July 2009, whatever. The remarkable thing is that Apple are going to charge iPod Touch users $10 to upgrade, fucking awesome. But did I mention that iPhone users get the update for free? Oh, I just did.

As If selling my kidney to purchase the thing wasn’t enough, now they want more money just so I can get a few improvements and bluetooth functionality which by the way was already included in the thing. Yet again, awesome.

I think Apple is out of control. It’s like selling a mobile phone and making people pay for additional features like SMS, MMS, Wi-Fi that competitors already give you out of the box.

Sure Apple makes awesome looking and functional products, but what the fuck are they doing? Although it’s plausible that software was still being developed to make bluetooth functionality work well, why the price tag for iPod Touch users and not iPhone users? Oh, is it because I didn’t pay the extra few hundred for an iPhone with features that I don’t need?

I am going to pay for the upgrade, but not without a rant about it on this blog. When you think about it, you’re really paying for bluetooth functionality for $10. I’m not surprised really, Apple loves to profit off people even in a severe economic downturn. There better be some awesome applications that use bluetooth (if Apple haven’t severely blocked it’s use) or I’ll go postal, seriously.

A thought: It would be awesome to tether my 3G mobile phone to my iPod Touch 2G via bluetooth instead of Wi-Fi, would be very useful considering my phone doesn’t have Wi-Fi.

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Apple + Twitter = Fanboyitis

by on 01. May, 2009 in Internet, Web Services

What happens when a large company like Apple respected by many (fan boys) for it’s hardware and software offerings profiles Twitter on it’s website? You get thousands of fan boy Apple nerds getting cyber erections and probably masturbating over the news as we speak.

Apple basically goes on about how Twitter uses mainly Apple products to run the site and it’s operations, which is fair enough. Twitter is getting a lot of buzz lately and Apple being a company after all of course are going to capitalise on the fact that most of the staff at Twitter use Apple products.

Now before you think I am biased, I do agree that Apple make awesome products. I do believe that Apple have revolutionised a lot of things over the years from computers to music players and even mobile phones with it’s iPhone offering, but eww.

But whether it be Apple, Linux or Windows, who cares? Does it even matter if Twitter use Apple products, do you actually find it interesting enough to be amazed by it? Are they implying they couldn’t run Twitter in a Linux or Windows environment?

If Apple supposedly make secure products for use in a business environment (even Twitter), why is it that in the PWN 2 OWN contest run in 2008 the Apple Macbook Air was hacked within 2 minutes? Yet, Vista and Linux weren’t so easy.

Apple may make pretty products, but in reality, a lot of people only use them because it’s the in thing to do really. This is nothing more than a PR stunt by Apple capitalising and most likely taking Twitter and Apple product use out of context.

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The Apple Application Police

by on 23. Apr, 2009 in Internet, Web Services

If you thought getting your application approved to be placed into the Apple Application Store wasn’t already difficult enough, it would seem an application where you get to shake a crappily drawn baby that doesn’t even remotely look real to death is morally wrong now, and the public + major blogs and news outlets are as well, they are a breed of new politcally correct application police officers complaining on your behalf about pointless things like a mobile phone application.

Morally wrong? So invading another country based on lies and killing people, capturing them and then torturing them as well is morally right, but creating an application where you get to shake a non-existent baby is morally wrong and people all of a sudden make a stand against it? What. The. Fuck.

A TechCrunch blog author even wrote a story about it and in it mentioned a lady who’s baby was injured after being shaken by the father (this is the lady that brought the application to the attention of CNET, which basically started a big shit-storm). Uh, remind me again what a lady who’s baby was shaken by the father has to do with an application again other than the goal of the application is to shake a baby? Maybe the lady should have been more focused on I don’t know, looking after her fucking child.

Grow the hell up people. If you don’t like baby shaking applications, then don’t download them. If you do, then that’s your prerogative. It’s ironic, if someone made an application just like this but replaced the baby with George Bush instead, and it was approved, no one would even complain about it! hows that for double standards.

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