CANBERRA, Australia – In one of the most startling revelations, Senator Stephen Conroy (Minister for Broadband and Communications of Australia) has revealed that the reason he hates the Internet so much is because he was sexually molested by it a few years ago.
This shocking news may finally shed some light on why Senator Conroy hates the Internet so much and why he is planning to single-underhandedly stop all Australians from accessing it eventually.
“He’s sugar-coating his intentions, he really wants to block Internet traffic with this filter because he’s scared he’ll be molested again”, said political analyst Peter Byrne’s.
He's thinking of the children.
The molestation believed to have occurred over a period of several weeks or more, Stephen Conroy was held against his will by an unnamed website where he was then forced to watch all kinds of pornography against his will – including animal pornography. He recalls of his horror and how he feels completely violated by the whole situation.
“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do; I was molested by the Internet. I was checking my fan email one night and after finishing some replies and a pop-up advertisement appeared telling me my computer was slow. I didn’t want my computer to be slow, so I clicked it. Soon after clicking it – pornography windows opened up everywhere and I was forced to watch it. I was terrified, I couldn’t leave my seat. It was the worse experience of my life,” recalls Senator Conroy.
“I’ve since moved on with my life and I am planning to single-handledy prevent anyone else in Australia being subjected to the horrors of pornography for over several weeks like I was. My Internet filter will be the best thing since Youtube to happen to the Internet. You’ll see.”
The website in question has since been removed and given an ear bashing by Kevin Rudd in fluent Mandarin for the heinous “un-Australian act” committed.
Popularity: 4% [?]
BAHAHHAHAH fucking idiot! cp is teh best
^^^^^ this
or dat
VVVVVVVV
cp ftw.
Big Red button labelled “Do not Click”
…f’kin tard clicks
lol
Unbelievable! If this is true, this bloke has his own agenda, that’s not how he should work. He is a very stupid person. (eh, he couldn’t leave the screen…walk away dude if you dont like what you see…I think he was enjoying it!)
hahahahahahahahahahahaha what a fucktard… raped for being a idiot
It is satire. He wasn’t actually molested by the Internet. He’s just worried that someday someone will find the video of his dog and a questionably spread jar of peanut butter he posted on Xtube. So he’s blocking everything.
AHAHAHHAHAHAHH LOL
LOL he got raped by the internet but the internet got raped by 4chan LOLIES!!!!!
“I was terrified, I couldn’t leave my seat.”
HAHAHHAHA
LMHO what did he glue himself to the chair with ?
and WHY could he not get up from his seat…
Because his penis was swollen, and his hand was on it, and other hand was clicking through the pages.THEN he felt all sickened by his acts, and now AUSTRALIA has to pay.
I , for one, think that people can def get up and walk away, or turn OFF their computer(NOW there’s a thought!) if one happened on porn they did not want to see.
This guy is a freaking idiot, he could have closed the computer (if it was a laptop) or just turn off the monitor, oh and your not supposed to click on dumb ads like that.
I keep getting dumb emails about this. If you’re not all trolling, I am genuinely concerned.