You’ve all seen them. You’ve all heard about them somehow (loud mouthed people on the train, bus). I am of course referring to ‘reality help shows’, the shows that help people who can’t help themselves.

Reality ‘I’m too lazy to find myself a date’ shows

You’ve tried the dating scene and it’s not working out. Girls keep breaking your heart and you just can’t seem to find ‘the one’. What better way to break your dating drought and subject yourself to a television dating show (like The Bachelor) and humiliate yourself and show people just how much you truly suck.

Firstly, what the hell is wrong with these people? Do they think that a television show is going to magically get you a girlfriend? The girls aren’t on the show because they want a boyfriend, they just want to be on TV, you’re a loser, why would they want you?

If you need a television show to get you a date, you seriously suck.

Reality ‘my kids a brat’ help me shows

Parents, what to do when your child is out of control? Call a television show and ask them to come out and help you, while it’s all captured on camera of course.

Firstly, if you can’t control your kid, why keep having them? All of the shows I’ve seen the parents have 2,3,4 kids and upwards and they can’t control them. Why do you have kids if you can’t control them? It’s your fault the kids are stupid little hyperactive brats, why not deal with your own problems?

You really need someone from a tv show, for example Super Nanny to say:”Your child just needs love and attention”. Err.. maybe the problem is your kid gets TOO MUCH attention and when you can’t keep it up because you and your redneck husband can’t use birth control and have too many kids, they go psycho and break stuff.

Reality ‘I’m too fat to help myself’ shows

These shows really anger me. Overweight, fat, obese sweaty people wanting to lose weight and thinking that a TV show will help them, WRONG! It’s called “Get the fuck up and do some exercise”. These people are the lazy of all lazy. They try blaming child birth or working with food as the reason. The real reason is these people are so fat that they become lazy and just eat.

Buy an exercise bike maybe? Maybe eat something healthy for a change? Try a fucking vegetable? You’re so used to watching TV and eating, that you think if you actually go onto the TV you’ll lose weight. Fat lazy people suck who rely on others for help and not themselves.

Reality ‘lock me in a house full of juveniles to win money’ shows

This is pointed directly at shows like Big Brother. Who wants to watch a bunch of juveniles with no direction in life and have to resort to a TV show to try and win some money? only to blow it on drugs and nights out with their friends about a week after.

I never understood why people liked them for so long, then it dawned on me. People who watch shows like Big Brother can relate because they too are stupid and suck at life, like the contestants do as well. They are so drawn to these shows because it’s like watching mirror images of themselves in the TV.

It’s a good thing that the show finally got canned in Australia because people just weren’t interested in seeing the same people on TV year after year, fighting, drinking and snoring.

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