Kings of Leon Can Kill – Researchers

Published on December 2, 2009 in Satire. 2 Comments

kings of leon

To many a Kings of Leon CD appears relatively harmless, but it has been revealed that Kings of Leon is capable of causing severe injury and in most cases death, according to secret tests revealed today.

The results revealed that listening to Kings of Leon’s music can rupture one or both of your ear drums causing internal bleeding into the brain, and the only symptom you’ll have is a bad headache according to European Commission researchers.

All CD releases by Kings of Leon are capable of causing damage and death, but according to the researchers those who are exposed to any of their later material might be most at risk, due to there being more whining than their previous releases which is said to be the cause of the damage the music causes.

In 2008, 400 people needed hospital treatment after being exposed to Kings of Leon with minor to severe injuries, with 85 of those dying from their injuries shortly after the damage had been caused.

Meglena Kuneva, European Commissioner for Consumer Affairs, said: “This report is a wake-up call. National authorities and industry will redouble efforts to crack down on the distribution and release of Kings of Leon’s music. But consumers also need to work to minimise safety risks: so be vigilant, be active and be aware, that way everyone can have a safe and happy Christmas.”

Popularity: 2% [?]

Michael Buble’s Little Cry Baby Tough Girl Alter Ego

Published on December 1, 2009 in Opinion and Ranting. 8 Comments

Not so long ago Michael Buble (you know the guy who thinks he is God’s gift to women and also thinks that he has an amazing voice) revealed that he is sick of being typecast as a “cheesy crooner”, boo hoo Michael you’re breaking my heart you fucking girl.

Acting like he is the only person that critics give a hard time, he sent out a warning saying that he next person that dares criticise him will end up with a fist in their face, ooh scary. I mean look at the guy, the only thing he could knock out is another notch on his belt after eating a few cheeseburgers on the weekend (if he is lucky).

Let’s sum up Michael Buble

  • He writes cheesy crooner tracks about love, and other things that people think are cheesy
  • He has a bad haircut which makes him look like an army recruit reject
  • He is all talk, every word out of his mouth is just that, words without substance
  • He thinks he is funny, but really he is just another boring crooner trying to impress people in hopes of them buying his boring cheesy music
  • He is from Canada (America’s waste bin), do I really need to say anything more?

He even goes on to say that he is so tough because he played ice hockey while he was growing up, what a man Michael Buble is. I mean forget the tens of thousands of other people grew up playing ice hockey, it didn’t make all those other people tough men like Michael Buble.

Stop acting like you’re so tough, I bet there are a whole lot of people in this world that could knock you straight onto the ground before you even got a punch in (most of them 13 year old kids).

Read the rest of what he was saying here

Popularity: 3% [?]

How To Increase Your Mootools Performance By A Lot

Published on November 27, 2009 in Web Development. 1 Comment

Switch to jQuery, problem solved.

Popularity: 2% [?]

De-index Your Site From Google and Suffer The Consequences

Published on November 24, 2009 in Opinion. 0 Comments

Rupert Murdoch seems to be suffering from late stage cenial syndrome after suggesting not long ago that he will de-index his news sites from Google if they don’t pay up some cash for supposedly hosting his content. Now it has been revealed that Microsoft have approached News Corporation and others urging them to de-index from Google and other engines, and have their content exclusively on Bing (and they’ll pay).

Sure Bing is gaining market share, but Google is still the leader. Most of my news is found from Google searches, I predict that News Corp is going to find out pretty soon the power of Google. Bing will bring minuscule traffic in comparison to Google. Whether these news sites like it or not, Google is definitely the king of search engines and de-indexing will only harm not help their sites.

So Rupert Murdoch, FUCK YOU. I hope you die sometime soon before you further damage the little credibility that News Corp has left.

Popularity: 2% [?]

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Movie Review

Published on November 24, 2009 in Reviews. 6 Comments
All buzz, no spark: Twilight New Moon

All buzz, no spark: Twilight New Moon

The popularity of the Twilight series (both books and movies) amazes me, considering that Twilight isn’t exactly an original concept. Harry Potter was an amazing story because it had depth, it had a real interesting underlying story and didn’t have to rely on adding cheesy moments like shirtless guys with ripped bodies and tattoo’s just to get people to watch the movies.

New Moon is 40% Kristen Stewart (who plays Bella) acting depressed and trying to kill herself for most of the movie because her beloved vampire boyfriend Edward ditches her, and 60% shirtless muscley males doing pretty much nothing. They waste a good 5 or so minutes of movie time by her just sitting in front of a window as a camera rotates around her and the months change.

This movie will appeal to movie goers who like seeing toned upper male torsos in every scene (literally). I wasn’t sure if I was watching a body-building documentary or a movie half the time. There were maybe 3 action scenes in the whole movie (all involving shirtless males, of course) which had pretty decent special effects.

Unlike the first movie, it seems that the Twilight formula has changed and I have cracked the New Moon formula (notice the formula is slightly more complicated than that of the first movies which only had one rule, every scene must have Robert Pattinson in it):

a.) Every scene must have Robert Pattinson in it.
b.) If Robert Pattinson is not in a scene it must have one or more shirtless muscley guys, or Robert Pattinson as an apparition appearing (looking cool)
c.) Kristen Stewart (Bella) must at all times be either; angry, upset, suicidal, depressed, annoying or all of the above in every scene.

I don’t know what was worse, the movie or the people watching it in the cinema who kept gasping every time someone took their shirt off or all of the people crying at the poorly acted emotional scenes that made me laugh. I didn’t feel a drop of sadness the entire movie, only hungriness which the large popcorn and drink helped soothe.

Conclusion

If you’re a 14 year old girl, paedophile, gay or sexually deprived housewife then this movie is definitely for you. Otherwise save your money and go get drunk, it’ll be a lot more fun.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Borderlands, A Pathetic Excuse For A Game

Published on November 16, 2009 in Ranting. 28 Comments

I played Borderlands on the weekend, it was the crappiest game I have ever played. It’s like a mixture of Fallout with Wall-E from the Disney movie Wall-E. When I’m tired games usually wake me up, but this game sent me right to sleep, perfect if you’re wanting to sleep on a Saturday night and in your early twenties.

Basically all you do is shoot and do stupid missions; like assemble a stupid robot who seems to experience the feeling of pain. The graphics look good, but where is the fucking game play and decent storyline? Where is the awesome factor? It has nothing. You shoot, kill, pick up loot and weapons. Lather, rinse and repeat.

I would have loved to been at the planning meetings for this game.

“We need a good storyline..”
“How about a cute little robot that helps you at the start, then you do stupid missions and shoot and collect items? I saw Wall-E on the weekend and that robot is so cute, I really think a violent game like this deserves some kind of cute factor”
“Genius! we’ll use the Fallout code-base, change it up a bit and put in a Wall-E like robot”
“Profit, profit, profit!”

Multi-player might be marginally better than single player, but you can only shoot and loot for so long before it gets repetitive and boring. I much prefer Grand Theft Auto 4 which doesn’t get boring so easily and has a little more diversity.

GameSpot actually gave this game an 8.5, what the hell were they smoking when they reviewed this? Probably a lot of weed, I hear it makes things seem a lot funner than they actually are. I think maybe the development and story-writing team were reaching into the same dope bag too.

Play Borderlands if you’re an RPG nerd that likes to be lulled to sleep by overdone gancy graphics and sounds of people dying from animated bullets.

Popularity: 3% [?]

News Story Fail

Published on October 2, 2009 in Images & Visual Stuff. 2 Comments

I think maybe the wrong image was selected for the news story and it’s caption.

news-fail

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Some Advertising Idea’s For Mother Energy Drink

Published on September 8, 2009 in Images & Visual Stuff. 2 Comments

Mother energy drink is a highly popular energy drink in various places around the globe. A good energy drink deserves a good advertising campaign, right? So here are two idea’s of many that the Mother energy drink people can take and use for free.

Emo’s Hate Mother

Emos Hate Mother

Orphans Would Love A Mother

Orphans Love Mother

Popularity: 2% [?]

Yahoo! Answers Just Went To Another Level

Published on August 4, 2009 in Images & Visual Stuff. 2 Comments

Horse Fetish - Yahoo Answers

Of course it’s a troll, but it’s still funny.

Popularity: 2% [?]

He Is Legend – It Hates You Album Review

Published on July 17, 2009 in Music & Reviews. 29 Comments

He Is Legend have been around for quite a few years now and 1 ep and 2 albums later, He Is Legend have released the much anticipated It Hates You. Although the album isn’t a complete train-wreck, it’s not as good as it could be either. It’s lacking a lot of that trademark He Is Legend energy.

He Is Legend seem to have been plagued with problems ever since the conception of Suck Out The Poison back in 2006 with news of break-ups and hiatus’s, only to have them comeback and release the album. There is a lot of uncertainty and doubt, and this also happened with It Hates You.

it-hates-you-album-cover-he-is-legend

It Hates You seems to successfully manage to combine southern rock with melodic elements and catchy bass lines. It’s kind of dark, but also upbeat at the same time.

It has a very Suck Out The Poison type feel to it, with some songs sadly feeling incomplete and like they consist of recycled guitar riffs from Suck Out The Poison.

The vocals however could have been a bit better. Vocalist Schuylar Croom no longer seems to scream like he did in previous albums, and now seems to use raspy deep singing instead.

This album is annoying at times, and great at other times. Some tracks seem to generate the feeling of being rushed, or like they’re simply filler tracks. You can hear this by comparing tracks such as; Don’t Touch That Dial and Party Time!!!.

The diva type vocals in some of the songs that were also on Suck Out The Poison (but not the same person) seem to have made a comeback. They sure do love adding ‘oooh, whoaaaa, ohhhhh’ into their songs in the background.

A lot of the songs on this album, I’d say about 70% don’t really have any playback worthiness to them. Which is sad, because I really did like this bands previous material.

If they manage to stay together, I’m sure their next album will be better no doubt.

Some of the stand-out tracks on this album are; Futures Bright, Man. Dicephalous.  Everyone I Know Has Fangs.

Popularity: 6% [?]