He'll live, but we're all dead
Swine Flu is a very contagious mutant flu that was conceived and created by Mexican farmers having dirty three somes with pigs and exotic birds, effectively creating a super flu that is capable of making a sombrero grow out of your head and a thick moustache with burrito sauce in it grow on your face.
Swine Flu is a sosphisticated blend of multiple flu’s from multiple animal species from multiple parts of the world blended together by Mexican farmer animal three-somes (sometimes four-somes). If you are wanting to know what to expect from Swine Flu, get yourself a copy of 28 Days out from the video store right now! to see what you will be in for.
So how can you catch Swine Flu?
- Licking a pig
- Looking at a pig
- Thinking about pigs
- Living next door to a Mexican
- Kissing an American, Mexican, Canadian, Scottish or English person
- Thinking about Mexico
- Talking about Mexico
- Talking to a Mexican
- Reading this list
- Going to a Nickelback concert
- Watching Babe the movie
- Being Mexican
- Being racist
- Breathing in
- Breathing out
- Not breathing
- Going outside
- Eating a burrito or taco
- Watching anything created by Warner Bros (especially porky pig)
What are some of the signs that indicate you may have Swine Flu?
- You are dead
- You can barely move
- You just got a mail-order bride from Mexico
- You like having sex with farm animals (especially pigs) and exotic birds
- Your mother, wife or girlfriend (maybe all 3) tells you to stop eating like a pig at the dinner table
- You start speaking Spanish
- You start resembling Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, Porky Pig or George Bush (or a hybrid of all 3!)
- You start acknowledging Mexico as a country
- You all of a sudden know the national anthem of Mexico
- You think Tom Cruise is a great actor
- You’ve started growing a thick Mexican moustache
- A sombrero has started growing out of your head
- You are Chad Kroeger from Nickelback
- You’ve got the urge to roll around in the mud and eat from a troff
How do you protect yourself against Swine Flu?
- Lay in the bathtub with a mattress over the top of you until the spread of Swine Flu is finished
- Set alight all local stores selling meat products from pigs
- Shoot everyone you suspect of having Swine Flu. You can’t take any chances when your life is at stake
- Become vegetarian, but then eventually die due to a lack of iron in your diet
- Move to Sweden
- Convert to Scientology, they apparently have a cure for every medical illness known to man (including cancer)
- Kill yourself. Swine Flu can’t kill you if you beat it and kill yourself first
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