It seems as though Disney are no strangers to creating annoying teen idols that are sure to end up becoming drug addicts and nobodies a few years later anyway. So without further ad-due, lets get into it.

1. She’s got an annoying voice. What is it with the Disney Channel and breeding stupid teeny bopper children with annoying voices? Have you ever heard the whiny noise a cat makes after you’ve accidentally stepped on it, or run it over in your Hummer? That’s exactly how Miley Cyrus sounds – only she manages to make that sound for a good 30 minutes straight in any one of her episodes of Hannah Montana. And you people thought Fran Drescher had an annoying voice in The Nanny?
2. Her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus. Do I really need to explain this one? Her dad is a red neck inbred hillbilly who can be often heard wishing he had his 90s mullet again. Well I have a wish too Billy, I wish you would just fucking die in a plane crash with the rest of your annoying inbred family so the Cyrus bloodline is completely erased from existence. Well the ones that are annoying.
3. Her fans are idiots who fail at English. Miley Cyrus’s popularity is responsible for a huge increase in the number of idiots who fail at basic English. This is because Miley Cyrus makes it seem as though talking ‘liek dis sooo coool coz i cnt b btherd 2 lrn propa englsh’ is acceptable. Miley Cyrus is the Lil’ Wayne of the Pop genre, and it’s disturbing.
4. She has multiple personalities and suffers from severe delusions. Much like a mentally disturbed serial killer in a mental hospital who one day thinks he is Jesus and other days thinks he is himself, Miley Cyrus displays the same traits. In her TV show and real life I’m sure she puts on a wig and becomes Hannah Montana and thinks that nobody can notice it’s her. Apparently her friends don’t even realise it’s her, now that’s pretty delusional to think putting on a wig and some make-up makes you a completely different and unrecognisable person.
5. Her face is on everything. I’m not kidding. You can’t walk into a store without seeing her slutty mug plastered on some cheap merchandise with a not so cheap price tag attached to it. Walk into a toy store and there’s so much merchandise she pretty much has her own aisle. Walk into a pharmacy and I’m sure she has her own merchandise there too. The Miley Cyrus Contraceptive, Miley Cyrus Lubricant, Miley Cyrus Anal Repositories and cream, Miley Cyrus Condom’s and more.
6. She likes Nickelback. Anyone who likes Nickelback deserves to be beaten with a 2×4 covered in Swine Flu, put into a sack full of feral cats and then thrown into the ocean. Miley Cyrus should be no exception, and with a little luck she might be allergic to cats and die from an allergic reaction.
7. She’s a slut. It’s very strange for a teen child celebrity to turn into a slut so early on in their career. It took a few years for Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears to turn into drugged up sluts, Miley Cyrus seems to have beaten them to the punch. With a boyfriend that is old enough to be her big brother, she’s sending the wrong message to kids. Now the song ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’ by the Baha Men suddenly seems relevant.
8. She can’t act. Not that I am saying that anyone else on the Disney Channel can act any better, Miley Cyrus has no talent whatsoever.I guess it’s good in a way because it sends a positive message to her viewers “even if you can’t sing, have an annoying voice and accent, and look slutty – you too can be a Disney Channel celebrity when you grow up at the age of 14.” It’s like throwing Christopher Reeves into a swimming pool and watching him try and swim. It’s tragic, but you just can’t look away until it’s over.
9. She thinks people actually like her. Miley Cyrus thinks she’s so popular and famous that Radiohead would want to meet her, wrong. Once again this backs up the delusion disorder argument, there’s something wrong with that girls head. I guess it’s not all her fault, when you have a father who thinks he is liked or was liked, there’s not much to work with. It’s a common fact when her fans all hit the age of 16 and start doing drugs and going to parties, they’ll get over Miley. And then she’ll end up in an alleyway trying to sell signed autographs of herself whilst freebasing heroin.
10. She is responsible for the white trash revolution. By this I mean she gives a false sense of hope to hillbilly teenage girls in trailer parks causing them to undertake acting careers and making Hollywood seem like even more of a joke. “If that Miley girl can be a famous person and makes lots of money to buy diapers, maybe I should too y’all!” Thanks to Miley, expect to see a whole lot more Miley clones coming to a Disney Channel near you sometime soon.

You’re lonely, you’re desperate, you Google yourself 10 times a day only to have it come back zero results, you’re a nobody, but we can change that. All of your friends seem to be able to get a girlfriend easily, whilst you can’t even get an imaginary or online girlfriend (who are really 35 year old men masturbating to your display picture of Steve Jobs in a dark basement somewhere). But there’s no need to be alone anymore, after using these pickup lines you will be the pickup master of all females and get any girl you desire.*

1. Screw me if I’m wrong, but have we met before?
2. My love is so great that a thousand men could not keep me from stalking you
3. Hi, I’m Chuck Norris
4. Did you know my credit card doesn’t have a limit?
5. I’m Rick James, bitch
6. Did you know I’m in a band?
7. You’re next on my todo list
8. I’m going outside to makeout, want to come with me?

* If you’re ugly, deformed or Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, it cannot be guaranteed the above pickup lines will work for you whatsover and may even result in a restraining order placed against you, or loss of sexual function due to constant swift kicks to the testicles.

If your blog applies to one or more of these on the list, then it needs some work before anyone is going to keep coming back.

1. You are using the default theme that comes with your blogging software. Wake up! your blog looks boring. You may think that people are only coming for the content, but people eat with their eyes before their mouths first. If you’re using the default theme, you’re a douchebag and deserve no traffic to your blog, and that is exactly what you will get
2. You don’t proofread or spellcheck anything you write. If you misspell a word or two it’s a common mistake and your readers will love pointing that out to make themselves feel more superior on the Internet. But if your blog posts are riddled with spelling and grammatical errors, don’t expect anyone to understand a word you are saying or to return again
3. Your blog is completely unoriginal and boring. If you’re writing about the same things other blogs are writing about, what reason would someone have to visit your blog? People love interesting, unique and new things to read. Nobody likes reading or hearing about the same thing 100 times. This goes for all Twitter acquisition talks, Yahoo! acquisition talks and rants about Windows Vista especially
4. Your blog is a proverbial graveyard of boredom. People come to your blog because they seek something to appease to their eyes and minds, stuff that is interesting, witty and funny. If people wanted to read something that put them to sleep, they’d read Time magazine instead. Throw in a joke or two, share a funny picture, embed a funny Youtube video of a man getting hit in the nuts, anything!
5. Too many fucking ads. People come to your blog to read, not have to close 100 fucking pop-up ads and sift through content riddled with Google ads placed after every paragraph. Your blog will make next to no money whatsoever in the early days. If you’re going to use ads, use them sparingly and put them in non obstrusive positions like the sidebar. Placing ads on a small-time blog actually has a negative effect as it will most likely repel visitors and make you seem money oriented rather than content oriented
6. Hurry up and load. If your site takes more than 5 seconds to start loading something and be fully loaded a few seconds after, kiss your visitors goodbye. Nobody wants to wait, your blog probably isn’t important enough for a visitor to be patient and wait, unless they have a reason too, but they don’t.
7. Your hosting sucks. Sometimes other people may think your content is awesome and it’s shared on StumbleUpon, Digg, Reddit, Yahoo! Buzz, Delicious and other places – if your hosting is completely crap and can’t handle a little visitor hike, be prepared to lose a lot of visitors. If you’re serious about blogging, go with a proper host that can handle the traffic.

He'll live, but we're all dead

Swine Flu is a very contagious mutant flu that was conceived and created by Mexican farmers having dirty three somes with pigs and exotic birds, effectively creating a super flu that is capable of making a sombrero grow out of your head and a thick moustache with burrito sauce in it grow on your face.

Swine Flu is a sosphisticated blend of multiple flu’s from multiple animal species from multiple parts of the world blended together by Mexican farmer animal three-somes (sometimes four-somes). If you are wanting to know what to expect from Swine Flu, get yourself a copy of 28 Days out from the video store right now! to see what you will be in for.

So how can you catch Swine Flu?

• Licking a pig
• Looking at a pig
• Thinking about pigs
• Living next door to a Mexican
• Kissing an American, Mexican, Canadian, Scottish or English person
• Thinking about Mexico
• Talking about Mexico
• Talking to a Mexican
• Reading this list
• Going to a Nickelback concert
• Watching Babe the movie
• Being Mexican
• Being racist
• Breathing in
• Breathing out
• Not breathing
• Going outside
• Eating a burrito or taco
• Watching anything created by Warner Bros (especially porky pig)

What are some of the signs that indicate you may have Swine Flu?

• You are dead
• You can barely move
• You just got a mail-order bride from Mexico
• You like having sex with farm animals (especially pigs) and exotic birds
• Your mother, wife or girlfriend (maybe all 3) tells you to stop eating like a pig at the dinner table
• You start speaking Spanish
• You start resembling Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, Porky Pig or George Bush (or a hybrid of all 3!)
• You start acknowledging Mexico as a country
• You all of a sudden know the national anthem of Mexico
• You think Tom Cruise is a great actor
• You’ve started growing a thick Mexican moustache
• A sombrero has started growing out of your head
• You are Chad Kroeger from Nickelback
• You’ve got the urge to roll around in the mud and eat from a troff

How do you protect yourself against Swine Flu?

• Lay in the bathtub with a mattress over the top of you until the spread of Swine Flu is finished
• Set alight all local stores selling meat products from pigs
• Shoot everyone you suspect of having Swine Flu. You can’t take any chances when your life is at stake
• Become vegetarian, but then eventually die due to a lack of iron in your diet
• Move to Sweden
• Convert to Scientology, they apparently have a cure for every medical illness known to man (including cancer)
• Kill yourself. Swine Flu can’t kill you if you beat it and kill yourself first