Jack, still coming to terms with what just happened.

An Australian man was caught by police with his penis inside a pasta jar, and no it wasn’t stuck either. He was still pleasuring himself while resisting arrest, the court was told.

Firstly, how fucked up must you be to be masturbating in a pasta jar in the first place? Police drew their weapons at the 45 year old man who’s name is Keith Roy Weatherley, from New South Wales, Australia - after he led them on a slow police chase, because they saw him doing something with his hands in his lap.

When they caught him they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a pasta jar.

When he was stopped by police he refused to leave the car and four officers had to use batons and capsicum spray to get him out of the car.

They found a 750mm jar around his penis and said Weatherley attempted to continue “pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling”.

Just when you thought this story couldn’t get anymore fucked up, wait until you see what police found when they searched his car:

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a homemade sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

What. The. Fuck? The thing that makes me cringe is the fact he had a Jack Russell Terrier in his car probably huddled up in the corner scared of what his master was doing with the jar.

We interviewed the Jack Russell terrier and it had this to say:

My master is usually weird, I understand that. But when he pulled the pasta jar out and unzipped his pants, I just wanted out.

I should have known something was up when he said “come on boy, we’re going for a drive”. He never takes me for drives with him, ever. That and the fact he was holding women’s stockings, a homemade sex device and some other stuff I don’t care to mention.

I’m just glad the police got to him before he got tired of the jar and tried to bust a move on me.

Keith was fined $600 by the court. You can read the original news story here

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